How Paul Scrivens, Mike Rundle, Colin Devroe, and Tyme White All Made Billions In 12 Months


TAMPA, FL — Hot on the heels of BusinessWeek’s impressive journalism regarding Digg founder Kevin Rose “making” $60 million in just 18 months (a number extrapolated from imaginary figures, stuck on the cover of the magazine), 9rules, Inc. would like to announce that the four people behind 9rules have made billions of dollars in just the past 12 months.

According to industry experts (and 9rules members, friends, their parents…) 9rules is reportedly worth an estimated $99,000,000,000.99, a conservative figure that could possibly be too low if growth continues. Paul, Mike, Colin and Tyme all own part of 9rules which means they have actually made billions of dollars according to random, pulled-out-of-our-butt estimates, which are obviously 100% true.

“Having a wad of billion dollar bills in my pocket feels pretty good”, says Paul Scrivens, CEO of 9rules, “although the dollar bills are see-through and unspendable, the idea of me being a billionaire was just too good to pass up.”

Paul Scrivens continued discussing what he will do with the imaginary billions he is now worth:

“You know what son? With all this cash I got flowing through my pockets now, I can go hire me one of dem speech doctors and stop talking so gangsta and sh*t. Not saying I don’t wanna keep it real or anything, but these bustaz hating on me everyday about the way I talk wears an Ol’ G like myself down to nothing but diamonds and dust. Ladies love the diamonds, but they don’t want the dust.”

Although the dollars are fake, Web 2.0 industry insiders are feeling the palpable heat since this steps up fake company valuations tenfold. Some are saying Facebook is now worth more than all of Europe’s GDP, a number that is only eclipsed by the U.S. National Debt.